The Monster Inside

I have been very busy and distracted lately, it is finals time and all of the work I have to do is overwhelming. I try to motivate myself by saying you will be home soon, put everything you have into this and great things will come. I am having a hard time being motivated lately. My work ethic is slowly disappearing and it is making me nervous. I want to do well and I want to be successful but I cannot motivate myself. I do not know if it is because I am burnt out or if I have given up. This has not been my strongest semester. I am taking harder classes and I need to give myself a break. Will I ever do so? I doubt it.

One thing to know about me is I am my hardest critic. I will rip myself to pieces and never tell anyone. I dream for a day where I can look in the mirror and be proud and confident in who I am, but right now, that does not seem possible. That is one of the reasons I am a romantic. I hope one day a guy will sweep me off my feet and make me forget about all of the negatives. I want a love that will allow me to see positive aspects of the world. A love that will make me feel an infinite happiness that I will want to share with the world or at least the people around me. Sounds to good to be true, but the helpless romantic inside is waiting for the day to come. 

Now I do not want it to seem like I am extremely dependent. I have my moments when I need others and ask for help, but for the most part, I am an extremely independent woman. I am just waiting for a guy who will reinforce the positive inside of me, so all of my thoughts won’t be so negative. It is nice to have someone who tells you the truth, instead of the monster inside always feeding you lies. It is 2:15 am and I am tossing and turning because I cannot stop thinking about all of the stuff I have to do. I just want a cuddle buddy, is that too much to ask?


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